Michael Lohan is a jackass

You know what's always a good thing to do before punching celebrities in a charity boxing match? Check with your parole officer. A crucial step Michael Lohan seems to have skipped, according to TMZ: Lindsay's dad got the hook for that charity boxing match next week, because he's still on parole for assault from 2004. "We do not feel that participating in a violent activity, such as celebrity boxing," says a parole rep, "is appropriate for his rehabilitation." Someone needs to put Michael Lohan's face on the Wikipedia page for FAIL. Along with Heidi & Spencer, Criss Angel and my local Dunkin Donuts for, I shit you not, running out of donuts today. That's like KFC running out of chicken. Or, even more frightening, me running out of penis jokes. Shh, shh. I was only joking. It's alright. Okay, take a deep breath. No, seriously, breathe. Somebody get these readers some paper bags! STAT. Photo: WENN

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